


I Am A Boy

by Owls_Teddies_Confetti_Oh_My



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Body Dysphoria, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Other, Poor Rin I totes feel u buddy, Self-Harm, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Rin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-07
Updated: 2015-01-01
Packaged: 2018-02-16 13:27:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2271435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Owls_Teddies_Confetti_Oh_My/pseuds/Owls_Teddies_Confetti_Oh_My
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some days it's easy to feel good. Some days its not a mentally hurtful chore to look in the mirror. But then, some days it just seems like being in this body was like being trapped in Hell.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

            Some days, everything was as fine as it could be. He would get up late, get dressed in a rush and then head out to his classes like nothing was wrong. He would laugh and smile his usual goofy grin and not a single thing about him would seem out of place.

            Then, there are days where he gets up too early. Startled awake because of the terrible whisperings of doubt in his dreams and then he’d spend too long looking in the mirror. He would poke and prod and nearly claw at the too wide hips and heavy mounds on his chest, eyes nearly spilling over with tears as he tried to keep his breathing under control.

            Those days, like today, his brother would find him curled up in the corner of the large dorm bathroom, sobbing and curled tightly up against a wall. The younger twin would watch his normally strong, overly confident older brother crumple into a heap of despair for a moment. He would tear his eyes away, no longer able to stand the pitiful sight and help drag the demon hybrid into their shared room and put him back to bed.

            It really isn’t that much of a surprise that people noticed how the Halfling would go missing for whole days. The thick silence that hung in the classroom while the teacher would scratch away at the chalkboard was, after all, all too noticeable.

 

* * *

 

 

            “Uh, Okumura-sensei?” Konekomaru’s voice sounded through the class as Yukio worked to put the day’s assignments on the board. Yukio paused and turned to face his student, smiling politely as he did so.

            “Yes, Miwa-kun?” Yukio asked of one of his hardest working pupils. The bald boy shifted uncomfortably in his seat, trying to find the right words to use. He looked up to his teacher and swallowed the lump in his throat.

            “Why isn’t Okumura-kun here today? Is he sick?” Shima looked to his long time friend, a little surprised at what he was asking. The pinket looked to the empty seat next to Shiemi and pulled a face as if he just realized the missing student was actually missing.

            “Hey, yeah! Where is Rin? It’s too quiet around here without his snoring.” Shima grinned cheekily when he saw that the joke got a small smile out of the blonde sitting alone. Yukio just shook his head, sighing.

            “Okumura-kun hasn’t been feeling well so I suggested he stay home. I’m sure he’ll be alright by tomorrow.” The young teacher turned back to the board and continued on with his lesson. Ryuuji tapped his pencil against his notebook, watching as his friends all shifted back into ‘learning mode’. He was lost in his thoughts; worriedly wondering what it could be that made that restless, blue spitfire unable to attend classes for today. He took one last glance around the room and noticed that he wasn’t the only one wondering the same thing.

            Yukio could feel the tension forming behind him in the class. He sighed inwardly and realized that today was going to be a long day….

            After that day’s first period, the class moved along as smoothly as ever. Yukio worked on grading assignments in his room while all the other ExWires went on to their next few classes…. Well, most of the moved along.

            “Yuki-chan, are you sure that Rin will be alright?” The doe-eyed blonde asked of her friend, lips quivering in very obvious concern. Yukio just gave her a reassuring smile before patting her shoulder.

            “He’ll be just fine Shiemi; he just isn’t feeling well today. Don’t worry so much about him. He’s a strong person.” Yukio knew that while it wasn’t the whole truth, it was definitely not a lie. Rin was strong and he could make it through this. He had faith in his older brother.

            “….” Shiemi looked doubtful of her friend’s words. She fidgeted a little before looking to Yukio with determination gleaming in her eyes. “I-I would really appreciate it if you’d welcome me into your home later.  I’ll come by with a soup for Rin!” She explained, her resolve shining through her words.

            Yukio blinked and couldn’t stop himself as he spoke. “O-of course. See you later then.” Shiemi smiled and scurried off to her next class before she was tardy. Yukio gulped and then let his forehead fall to his desk with a lithe thump.

            _‘Rin is gonna kill me….’_ Was the only thought to run through his head at the moment. He suddenly wished he was on some far away mission fighting off a hoard of demons; it’d be easier to deal with than this.

 

* * *

 

       

            "Hey Moriyama-san, where were you?" Shima asked as his classmate ran into the classroom just short of being late. She looked up to her friend and smiled shyly, taking her seat and getting her things ready for the class to begin. 

            “I was just letting Yuki-chan know that I’m going to come by later to help with Rin! I am going to help my friend feel better no matter what!” Shiemi beamed as she turned to face the Kyoto trio. Shima blinked in surprise at her confidence and smirked. He turned to Konekomaru and Ryuuji, exchanging a secret, knowing look with the two boys. Ryuuji sighed, looking annoyed and Konekomaru gave his pink-haired friend an exasperated smile. The two nodded slightly and Shima looked back to Shiemi.

            “Then count us in!” His words startled the blonde; as well as the shrine maiden sitting at the table next to her. Shiemi looked at the boys incredulously before a face-splitting grin made itself home on her lips. Izumo rapped her nails against the desk before sighing to herself.

            “You idiots probably have no idea how to take care of someone that’s ill so I’ll go too. Just to make sure you don’t end up maiming that moron.” She spoke up suddenly.  The others seemed a little surprised to hear her join in on the convoluted idea of caring for their ailing friend. Shiemi was practically bouncing in her seat as she watched her friends agree to help. This was going to be so great!

* * *

 

            “Hey! Four-eyed chicken, where the fuck is you brother?! He was supposed to meet me for training today at 2 on the dot! It’s nearly 3, man, what the fuck?” Shura was never a very patient person, Yukio can very much attest to this. Neither was she a very level-headed person.  So when said woman barged into his classroom, eye twitching and face red with anger, he knew he had himself a situation that, if not handled delicately, could end extremely disastrously. Yukio gulped down the lump in his throat and faced the she-devil with as much confidence he could muster.

“Shura, I forgot to mention to you today that Rin isn’t feeling too well today. I’m sorry.” He apologized. In truth, he really did forget to text Shura about Rin’s current condition. He bowed slightly to show he was sincere in his apology, earning a rough grunt from the swordswoman.

            “What the hell do you mean not feeling well? He looked fine yesterday.” She pointed out, eyes narrowed at the bespectacled boy. She wasn’t buying his vague story. If he wanted her to go away, it seemed he’d have to bullshit a few things and hope for the best.

            “Ah, he just wasn’t feeling enough to get up today, okay? Maybe he caught something yesterday or something.” Damn, he could come up with a better lie than that.

            “If that’s the case then I’m gonna go check on the idiot. Don’t wait up.” She said as she turned to leave. Wait, no, shit!

            “N-no! You can’t go to see him. He might be contagious.” Shura shrugged.

            “So I won’t get too near him. Jeez, you seriously need to lighten up.” Yukio can feel a migraine coming on. He gathered up his papers, mentally noting to finish them up later, before following the lady with the blazing hair off to his dorms. Today just couldn’t get any more hectic….

 

* * *

 

 

            Rin’s tail twitched uneasily under the covers. He was shaking and sobbing lightly into his hands, not able to even force himself out of bed. He was having such a bad day, it was disgusting. He just wanted to disappear and stop feeling so awful over something he can barely control. He has been crying since he woke up that morning and it’s just been a terrible tumble down the slippery slope that is experiencing this kind of madness. He just wants today to be over.

            He stopped sobbing after a while, staring blankly at the sheets he was covered in before he risked bringing his head over them. He sat up a little only to grimace and feel slightly sick at the weight pulling down from his chest. Large breasts are nice when they are not attached to him. He ground his teeth and his gaze ahead, not wanting to risk bursting into tears again should he look down. Maybe if he could just go and get his binder on then, hopefully, he could feel a little better today.

            He tried his best to haul himself out of bed, ignoring the way his too wide hips swung as he walked over to his dresser. He desperately looked through his clothes, trying to find the piece of clothing that would end his torture, if only by a small margin. His search, however, was interrupted by a sudden tapping at his bedroom door. He tried not to rip a stray t-shirt apart in frustration before getting up. He tugged and adjusted his over-sized sleep shirt and was about to tie the draw-strings on his pajama pants before remembering the many, many, many downsides of being ‘pear-shaped’. He just opened the door, ready to viciously hiss and growl at the moron that deemed it fit to bother him that day.

            “Why hello there, Okumura-kun~! Care to explain why you weren’t in the cram school today?” Mephisto’s sneering face gleamed down at Rin and the half-demon swore that today couldn’t get any fucking worse. He threw Mephisto a dirty look and gripped the edge of the door tightly, more than tempted to slam it in the clown’s face. Mephisto waited patiently for his little brother’s explanation. Although, he had a good feeling as to what it was that kept Rin confined to his room.

            “It’s none of your fucking business, clown. Now leave me the fuck alone.” _‘I’ve got some body issues to deal with.’_ He thought the last part to himself. Mephisto looked down to him and took in the boy’s disheveled appearance. His eyes were red from tears he was no doubt shedding just moments before his arrival, his hair was sticking up in all directions, the ridiculously large shirt he wore only told that he was definitely not wearing his binder as of then, and the biggest tip off of all was the expression of utter misery he held on his face. Mephisto sighed and patted the boy’s head.

            “Ah, I see now. If you weren’t having a good body image day just say so next time.” The clown says with a theatrical flick of his wrist. Rin just growled at him and shot him a look of pure poison. Mephisto looked down to his little brother and shook his head. “Now now, no need to be so touchy. If you truly feel so awful in your own skin that you can’t face other people then just let me know. I would put it in the system that you were exempt from classes.” Rin’s growling stopped and he eyed the clown with disdain before dropping the sour look.

            “…. Thanks.” He replied begrudgingly. Mephisto grinned, a rarely seen sincere and soft smile, and gently grabbed his brother by the shoulders and helped lead him downstairs.

            “Not a problem my precious little sibling~. Now then, I doubt you’ve touched anything edible since last night so let’s get some food in you.” Rin pulled a face as the older demon softly pushed at his shoulders to move him.

            “Fine, but I’m gonna be the one to cook.” Mephisto’s lips tightened into an annoyed line. He allowed his brother to have his way, though. Mephisto has noticed that of all the things Rin liked to do to help him clear his mind and relax, cooking was at the very top of the list.

            Rin was just glad for the distraction. Although putting on his binder for the rest of the day would help him feel better, he had nearly neglected the fact that he had bruised himself after keeping it on for too long the day before. Doing such again would only hurt him further and demonic healing or not, that’s never good for a person’s health. He just hoped that Mephisto and Yukio would be the only ones he’d have to face for today. The Halfling wasn’t sure how long he could stand being around them when he couldn’t even stand being in his own skin at the moment.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get a little hectic.

            Yukio looked to the woman at his side and resisted the urge to rub his temples. Shura wouldn’t stop talking about how much she was gonna work his brother to the bone if she found him faking it. Yukio was this close to snapping and just straight up outing his brother to make her stop. But he won’t, he can’t. He made a promise to Rin a long time ago that he would never dare tell anyone about his brother unless given explicit permission from Rin himself. Still didn't make Shura’s complaining any less bearable.

            They reached the old dorm soon enough and were met with a sight that made Yukio want to just throw his things to the floor and give up. The majority of the Cram School was currently waiting outside, checking their things before knocking, if they hadn't already done so. Yukio breathed in deeply and exhaled before walking up to them.  Izumo turned to see the teachers heading towards them and alerted the others.

            “Yuki-chan! We just got here; we all got some things together to help with Rin.” She explained, holding up a basket of what was hopefully store bought muffins. Not that Shiemi wasn't a good cook but… Yukio looked around and saw that the group all had several things you would get a person that was ill; balloons, cards, over the counter medicine, some baked goods, and Ryuuji had even brought a pot of what the younger Okumura twin assumed was soup. Let’s hope his cooking was better than Shiemi’s. He looked around and then to Shura, seeing the older woman shake her head slightly at the view before her.

            “Welp, let’s get our asses into gear and go inside already!” She exclaimed. “That moron isn’t gonna get better on his own.” Yukio could only hope that Rin doesn't try to set them all on fire, especially if he was in that ‘look at me and I’ll fucking fight you’ mood. He stepped up to the door and unlocked it. He took one step in and was hit in the face with a smell that could only mean one thing.

            Rin was feeling better.

 

* * *

 

 

            “You know this never used to happen so often.” Rin spoke aloud, more to himself than to the purple haired intruder standing in the kitchen doorway. Mephisto was calmly watching as his younger sibling set about making whatever the hell it was he was making. He was too busy watching the irritation and anxiety melt from Rin’s face to notice he was making angel’s food cake.

            Mephisto blinked and sighed. “Of course it didn’t. I can only imagine what the recent reveal of your origins, and the new inhuman features you gained since then, must be doing on that poor teen psyche of yours.” Rin looked up at Mephisto, the whisk in his hand stopped moving as he tried to digest what the clown said.

            “I- I, uh…. What?” He was a little confused, to say the least. Mephisto looked over his younger brother while mulling over how he could simplify this for him. He snapped his fingers as he found a way.

            “Rin, I’m sure you already know this yourself but people of your age, no matter human or demon, all go through a very heavy metamorphosis where their mental, emotional, and physical attributes grow. And during this time, the situation that a teen is in can have a great influence on how well those three things develop. Looking at your situation, it’s a wonder how you and your brother have managed to come this far without attempting something drastic.” The Demon King’s face turned sour for a moment. “The point is that you have enough on your plate without throwing in the horrors of body dysphoria and gender-related insecurities.” Rin was speechless. He wasn’t sure why the headmaster knew so much about this topic, but then he thought that it made sense. He was, after all, principal of a high school filled with a rather diverse population.

            Rin was just about to tell Mephisto he appreciated his understanding when he heard the door open. He looked to the general direction of the front, wondering if Yukio was finally home.

            “Yo Okumura-kun, we came to check on ya!! You feel any better?” Rin’s stomach dropped when he heard Shima’s voice. That could only mean one thing. The half-demon placed the bowl of cake batter on the counter and bolted past Mephisto and straight to his room. Mephisto stared at the spot the teen was in just a second ago and sighed. _‘And after he was starting to feel secure again too…’_

            Rin raced up to his room and made sure to close the door behind him as softly as he could with his shaking hands. He locked it after a few admittedly hurried tries and then collapsed against the wooden entrance to his room. He sobbed breathlessly and searched desperately for the quick intake of air he needed so badly. He was almost caught without his binder on by someone who didn’t know, by someone who wouldn’t guarantee they’d stay quiet about it, by someone who could very well not understand or accept him. And worst of all was that Shima had said ‘we’, as in more than just him. Rin couldn’t handle being accidently outed to anyone else with Shima. Not now, when he still had so much trouble trying to find his own self worth and confidence.

            Still trying not to panic, Rin searched through his room for the piece of clothing. He started to panic when he rummaged through Yukio’s side, realizing his binder might not be in the room. He started to frantically search his memory for any kind of clue on the whereabouts of his binder. Rin was on the verge of tears as he kept coming up with blanks. No, no, no, no, no, no; this can’t be happening. This just can’t be happening.  Rin tried to calm himself down, for fear that they could hear his crying downstairs and try to check on him.

 

* * *

 

            Yukio walked into the kitchen area with the group tagging along behind him. The first thing he noticed was that Sir Pheles was standing in the entry way to the kitchen and shaking his head lightly. There was an obvious concerned frown on his face as he looked towards the hall leading to the staircase. The bespectacled young man wondered why the headmaster would be standing there, looking as disappointed as he was.

            “Yo Mephisto, what the hell are you doing here?” Shura brashly asked. The demon turned to her and smiled coyly at the group, a slight twinge of legitimate concern in his eyes.

            “Oh, I was just casually strolling along and then I thought that maybe I should check up on our dearest Okumura-kun. I heard from a little birdie that he wasn’t feeling too great today.” He spoke in a tone that was borderline sarcastic. Yukio felt his eye twitch in annoyance and Shura narrowed hers. The others felt just a little lost.

            Mephisto walked past the group nonchalantly, umbrella twirling at his side and hat once again atop his head. He gestured to the youngest twin and nodded to the hallway. “I think you and I need to have a quick chat on certain matters.” He looked sharply at Shura. “Why don’t the rest of you help yourself to, uh, whatever it was that Rin decided to bake.”

            “Don’t mind if I do.” Shima’s sing-song voice broke the uncomfortable silence permeating the air about the ExWires. Ryuuji smacked the perverted monk upside the head while Shiemi giggled at his actions; earning an eyeroll from Konekomaru and Izumo.

 

* * *

 

 

            “Our brother’s body troubles are going to get noticed by the Vatican soon. We can’t keep covering up the days that he misses anymore.” Mephisto frowned, eyebrows furrowed in thought. “There is no use in hiding it anymore. He needs to come out to the higher-ups or perhaps we can put him through certain therapies. A good friend of mine would be perfect for the job! What do you think?”

            Yukio was definitely not amused. He kept himself from practically hissing at the demon king. “No. Rin obviously isn’t at a good mental state to come out to his friends, let alone the Grigori or Vatican in general.” Yukio winced. “Besides, it’s highly unlikely that they’ll even understand or care to understand his troubles.”

            Mephisto seemed to consider the idea that maybe an ancient order set deeply in Western ideals and traditions might not be so kind to someone like Rin.  He also thought about what new restrictions would come with his ‘coming out’. He shivered to think what they might put the poor boy through. Mephisto looked down at Yukio and sighed.

            “I don’t like this either, but it really is going to be the only option. Perhaps if we can get him to come out to his fellow classmates and gain their support he might feel more at ease with letting the full truth be known to the Vatican. Certainly it could help him brace for whatever they’d have in store for him.”

            Yukio felt awful. He knew the demon was right but still… Coercing Rin into exposing a part of himself he didn’t even feel comfortable enough to tell their old man until a month before his death. Yukio remembered the way Rin fell into tears after the encounter and how Fujimoto, despite being so caring and open to them, was not able to fully grasp the concept that his daughter was really his son. He remembered how Rin had cried on his shoulders that night, the first time he had ever done so. The guilt was going to tear the teenaged exorcist apart. He sighed.

            “If it really is the only way… But Rin has to be the one that tells them! I promised him years ago that I would never betray his secret to anyone and I won’t start now.” Yukio looked at the principal and he nodded his head.

            “Well then I suppose that should settle it. We convince Rin that it is in his best interest to inform his classmates of his situation and then we take the matter to the Grigori.” Yukio felt his stomach churn at Mephisto’s words. He could only imagine the kind of pain he would see in his brother’s eyes and the wrath he would feel from him if things didn’t go right.

 

* * *

 

 

            Shura looked over her shoulder at the ExWires that were eating some of the devil’s food cake their missing classmate had made. She was worried about the kid and what he could be dealing with. She just hoped that he was actually sick though; she’d beat his ass into the ground if he was faking it. Still, she can’t help but make herself worry. Geez, what was even going on with her, worrying over some kid…

            Konekomaru looked around, nibbling on the chocolate cake and feeling as though something was seriously wrong. He felt that whatever was wrong with Okumura might be more serious than what the others might think. Maybe he’s over thinking it, feeling guilty for how he’s treated the half-demon in the past. Okumura was a good guy, he was just reckless with that fire of his and that made Konekomaru scared.

            The bald teen got up from his seat and walked towards the hall door. The door opened up and Yukio and Sir Faust walked back in.

            “Ah, Miwa-san, where are you going?” Yukio asked. He seemed a little upset about something.

            “I was just going to the bathroom, I’ll be right back.” He said, needing to go and clear his mind. The young teacher eyed him nervously, as though Yukio was trying to protect something, but let his student pass through the door. The principal merely glanced at him and inwardly smirked. This could be their ticket to helping Rin set foot outside of that uncomfortable little closet of his.

            Konekomaru closed the door behind him and walked over to the stairs. He headed for the hallway that held the bathrooms until he heard something. It was faint but he could still hear it; a soft murmur that sounded like a broken string of sobs. Konekomaru gulped, fearing that there might be a spirit lurking about until he remembered who was really living in this dorm.

            He knew who was making those noises and he just had to go and see why. He lightly trotted over to the hall of rooms, trying to be careful lest the others hear him. He knew it, there was something else going on than just a supposed illness. Rin never cried unless it was serious. And he was going to help the Halfling like he helped him before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the delay, my pc is a bitch.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get heavy.

Konekomaru stopped in front of the familiar dorm room. He raised his fist to rap against the old wood door, the sounds of his friend’s light sobbing echoing from behind it. He stopped himself just short of knocking on the door; uncertainty plagued him. What if Rin just pushed him away, telling him to leave or asking him why he even cared. Konekomaru gulped and his thoughts raced before he finally just knocked on the door as gently as he could.

            At once, the noises stopped and there was a thick silence that permeated the air around the small boy. He listened for any sign of his friend on the other side before knocking again, this time a little louder. He waited silently again.

            “Eer, who’s out there?” Rin’s voice flitted out from behind the door weakly. If he wasn’t concerned before, Konekomaru was worried now. Rin never spoke that softly before. He’s always so loud and boisterous and this, this just isn’t right.

            “Rin are you alright in there? I- I thought I heard crying.” The bald monk pressed his ear to the door, trying to listen closely for any signs of his friend still suffering. Rin was silent except for the small whispers of panting that seemed to coincide with Konekomaru’s earlier inference of the half demon sobbing; now to find out why.

“Rin? Can you open up the door, please?” He heard some shifting around in the room on the other side. A draw was opened and shut, the sound of clothes rustling was faint but still audible, and then a few footsteps taken towards the door. Konekomaru stepped back and waited for the door to be opened.

Rin let the door open just slightly, looking out into the hall, eyes darting to the sides as if he was looking for something. “Hey Konekomaru. W-what’s up?”

The bald monk frowned at his friend’s suspicious behavior. He thought that the half demon teen had gotten over hiding secrets from him and the others but this didn’t seem to be the case. “I just wanted to know if you were alright. The others are here, thinking that you might be sick.” Konekomaru studied Rin carefully. Something was different. “You’re not sick, are you?”

Rin frowned, looking to the floor as if he was ashamed. And in truth he was very much ashamed; ashamed at how much he let his own emotions beat him down. It was agonizing to think that he had worried his friends into thinking that he was so ill he couldn’t make it to class.

“I’m really sorry about making you guys worry. I’ll be alright by tomorrow, okay?” He gave Konekomaru that trademark grin of his but the smaller boy could tell it was fake. Konekomaru put a hand on Rin’s shoulder and squeezed.

“If you’re not okay Rin, then you can tell me. I can even keep it a secret if you want.” He tried to be comforting towards the young demon, the same way he once was for him. Rin glanced at the hand on his shoulder and chewed on his lip.

“Can you come inside?” He whispered and Konekomaru nodded, despite how shocked he was by the softness and twinge of fear his voice held. Konekomaru followed him in and took one glance back to Rin before he closed his door. That shirt, he doesn’t think he’s seen him in one that big before.

 

* * *

 

 

            Yukio tapped his fingers against the wood of the table harshly, feeling anxious about the amount of time Konekomaru’s spent upstairs. He wonders if he ran into Rin by any chance. The mere thought of that had him mentally choking for air since Rin could be so unpredictable with this. Then he was literally choking as Shura grabbed him by the collar.

            Shura looked at him suspiciously as the others talked about various topics. She glanced at Mephisto who seemed to be musing quietly by himself, eyeing the door into the hall with suppressed enthusiasm.  She knew that something was up and that they weren’t talking. She growled and then stood up. Some of the Exwires stopped talking to look as she practically dragged Yukio out of the room. Mephisto had a rather noticable smirk on his face as they closed the door.

            Mephisto stood and looked to the Exwires. “You all must be very confused as to why I suggested you all stay downstairs, yes?” The smile on his smug face made Ryuuji’s pulse tick in his head.

            “No shit, so what’s wrong with him?” Ryuuji practically growled. “It’s not like that bonehead to skip cram school; what aren’t you telling us?”

            Shiemi shifted in her seat and looked to her principal. “Is Rin really that sick or is-is it something else?” Her voice wavered towards the end and the weight of them was felt by the other Exwires. If he wasn’t sick then the only other reason he wouldn’t show would be because of the Vatican. And if it was them then it could really only mean one thing. Execution.

            “Whatever it is you’re thinking that has put such a glum look on all of your faces then stop it. Rin is in somewhat perfect health so don’t be so down. I’m sure he wouldn’t want any of you to look so upset on his behalf.” Mephisto gushed, trying to make light of the situation.

            “’Somewhat perfect health?’” Kamiki crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. “And what is that supposed to mean? Are you saying he really is sick?” The fox tamer was suspicious of the clown’s behavior. He knew something.

            “If you’re keeping us down here because he’s contagious then why not just send us back to our dorms?” Renzou was laying on his side, having been trying to smooth talk Kamiki.

            “Now, now. He’ll be fine but I was going to ask why you came here before sending you all on your merry way. I’m quite curious, I know you’re his comrades but this is quite much, don’t you agree?” Mephisto was stalling. He only hoped that Yukio was doing the same with Shura.

 

* * *

 

 

            “Alright, talk! I know you and that clown are hiding something about Rin and I have a right to know too, dammit! Now spill it, what is going on?” Shura punched the wall next to her and Yukio as she spoke. She glared at him and all Yukio could do was glare meekly back.

            “I’m sorry Shura, but I’m not at liberty to say why Rin isn’t present. I-“ _I promised him I wouldn’t tell._ “I’m sworn to secrecy on the matter.” Not a total lie. Shura looked at him with disdain. She obviously wasn’t going to give up until she got something out of Yukio. He wasn’t sure what to do at this point.

            “Look here you four-eyed chicken, I’m as worried about Rin as you are so just tell me what’s going on before I force you!” Her anger was rising and her fingers twitched. She and Yukio kept up a silent glaring contest. Yukio broke the silence.

“I know you care about Rin but what he’s going through right now is a personal issue that involves family only, Shura.” He explained. This only ticked the redhead off even more.

“And what am I? Chopped liver?!” She fumed. “Rin is as much my family as he is yours now tell me what’s going on before I break your glasses.” She threatened.

“Like hell you will! I’d love to see you try.” Yukio argued back. The two were so embroiled in their argument that they were completely unaware of the two teens standing next to them in the hall.

            “…What are you guys doing?” Konekomaru asked, looking at the silently feuding colleagues in confusion. They both jumped and looked at the bald monk in shock. Not just because it seemed like he came out of nowhere but also because of who’s hand he was holding tightly.

            “Where you two seriously fighting just now? God, you guys need to chill!” Rin was there, standing in pajama pants and no shirt; just his binder.

 

* * *

 

 

Mephisto was about to hear the teens out, wondering what it was that brought them to Rin’s aid. He wouldn’t get to, seeing as how the very subject of the conversation had waltzed in, young Miwa-san in hand, and his brother and Shura standing stupidly by the door. He smirked; he just knew that this would be interesting.

            Rin and Konekomaru sat down, untwining their fingers in favor of just putting their hands on the table. The others were silent, looking both confused and, in Ryuuji’s case, slightly angry. Konekomaru put a hand on Rin’s shoulder when he saw the look of fear of in his eyes. The half demon looked to his friend and the monk nodded encouragingly.

            “What. The actual. Fuck?!” Ryuuji was the first to explode and break the silence. He looked like he was going to pop a blood vessel, while Shima looked Rin up and do- oh.

            “Uh, Rin? What are you wearing?” He pointed to Rin’s binder, very confused. Kamiki took a single glance at it and immediately knew what was going on.

            “Before you say anything-“ She stopped Rin as he was about to call for her. “I can already guess what’s going on and I just want you to know that…” She looked to the side, an embarrassed blush tinging her cheeks pink. “Me too, Okumura.” With that she held her hand out in a gesture for him to continue.

            “Seriously?” He asked, incredulously. “Wow, I couldn’t even tell, like, congrats on passing so well!” He smiled brightly at the shrine maiden, causing her to blush harder. He looked over to the others who still looked really confused, even more so now than before. He took a deep breath and with one final reassuring nod from Konekomaru he faced them all with a look of steely determination.

            “Guys, I need you to know something really personal about me and I just really would appreciate it if you all kept an open mind.” He let out a shaky sigh. “The thing is, I wasn’t born male.” He clenched his hands tightly. “B-but I’m still a boy. Even if I, sometimes don’t look it.” He felt his tail, originally limp behind him, curl around his curvy waist in an attempt to hide it.

            The silence was long and almost suffocating. Shiemi spoke first.

            “Oh, thank goodness! I thought you were sick.” She smiled in relief and took one of Rin’s hands. “If you’re not feeling well today because of how you look then I just want you to know it doesn’t matter whether you have a guy’s body or not! You’re still my friend, Okumura Rin-kun!” Her smile widened and Rin was stunned.

            “Y-you just, but, I- You-you don’t think it’s weird at all?” He stumbled over his words and then he felt a fist bump against his shoulder hard.

            “Jesus fuck! You goddamned idiot, you had us fucking worried for a second there! We honestly thought you were dying or some shit. Ugh, it doesn’t matter what kind of body you have, we’re still friends and we’ll understand.” Ryuuji practically yelled in RIn’s ear as he leaned over the table. Renzou shook his head.

            “You are honestly the silliest person I have ever met, Okumura-kun.” He looked up at Rin. “But seriously, what the hell is that you’re wearing?” He pointed to Rin’s binder yet again.

            Rin was dumbfounded. He didn’t think they would accept him so easily. He thought that for sure they would reject him like before but…. He didn’t feel the tears that ran down his cheeks, just the smile that threatened to split his face in half.

            “Hah-Hahahaha! Oh man, you guys are the best!” He exclaimed, pretty much jumping over the table to bring them all into a group hug. He pulled away then to give Konekomaru a tight squeeze of his own. The monk was sitting there watching it all go on with a small smile on his face. He hugged Rin back and patted his shoulder.

            “I told you you could do it.” He spoke into Rin’s ear and then pulled away from the hug, holding onto Rin’s hand. Just behind the scene, three people were witnessing the power of friendship in play.

            Shura was still for a moment before dragging Yukio, who watched as his brother finally came out and was accepted as himself by all his friends, into a one armed hug. “I get it now. You’re a great little brother, Yukio.” She smiled at the exorcist softly.

            He nodded and looked back to his brother, relieved that he would now have his friends help on days like these. Mephisto watched with a look of bemusement as the group of friends all chatted and discussed this new information. He waited a few minutes, allowing them their moment, before tapping his umbrella loudly against the floor. The whole room looked at him.

            “I’m absolutely thrilled that you’re all so happy to have strengthened your bonds but I must discuss an important subject with our guest of honor here.” He pointed to Rin and Yukio felt his stomach drop.

            “Rin, my dear boy, I’m afraid that you’ll have to tell the Vatican about this as well.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry you guys, my PC is such fucking shit.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are resolved.

“Dammit, you idiot, tell me what’s wrong!” Ryuuji looked at his befallen with worry. Ever since last night, Rin Okumura has been absolutely despondent. It was worrying everyone, including the headmaster. Although not many actually know that. Right now, Ryuuji Suguro was trying to get him to talk to him about how he felt. He sighed when he only got a glance to the side as an answer.

            “You’re always bottling things up and never ask anyone for help; seriously you moron let us help you for once. Just tell me what’s wrong.” He asked. Rin sighed and pointed to a bench before sitting on it. Ryuuji followed.

            “I’m afraid.” He answered simply. Ryuuji was a little taken aback by how blunt he was. “I’m afraid about what they’ll do to me once they find out.” He whispered. Ryuuji put a hand on Rin’s shoulder.

“It’ll be okay, Rin. I promise that you won’t have to worry about them. You got me and the others to watch your back for you.” He explained. He smirked at Rin, who looked up at him and smiled dimly.

“Thanks. But I’m not sure you guys will be able to help with this one. It’s gonna cause a hell of a debate amongst a lot of exorcists. Not to mention the fact the Gregory is nothing but a bunch of old people that I’m more than sure are extremely old fashioned.” Rin sighed defeatedly. “This is gonna suck so much.”

“None of that will matter because I promise to protect you from all of that raging bullshit if it’s the last thing I do.” Ryuuji huffed and crossed his arms, a determined look stuck to his features. Rin looked at him for a moment, cheeks pink before laughing at him. Ryuuji gave him a weird look.

            “Ah man Suguro! You’re so intense it’s hilarious.” He laughed and doubled over slightly, holding onto his stomach. Ryuuji just smiled.

            “Yeah I thought you’d find it funny, you dork.” He chuckled. Rin stuck his tongue out at him and Ryuuji just rolled his eyes.

            Rin sighed and leaned back on the bench. He looked up at the bright sunny sky and listened to the chatter of the students that were a ways away from them. He kicked at the ground before sighing again.

            “It’ll be alright Rin.” The demon teen looked up at Ryuuji. “I promise you that.” With those words, the taller teen leaned down and gave Rin a peck on the lips before gathering his things and leaving quickly with a tushed good bye. Rin pursed his lips, face red.

            “Yeah. I’m sure it will be.” He smiled, his cheeks settling on a soft pink as the other teen left the scene.

 

* * *

 

 

            Yukio was an absolute mess. He couldn’t stop thinking the worse about telling the Vatican, the fucking Vatican, about his brother’s condition. They could choose to execute him on the grounds of  him being too unstable because of his dysphoria, or because of some excuse in the bible, or even because of a really weak argument. It was nerve wracking.

            Shura has been trying her best to make the idiot understand that Rin is too important to have killed over that and she could make a solid case for it if need be. It didn’t help much. She sighed as she watched him fidget in his seat, trying to get some papers graded from his different classes. He was nothing but a bundle of tightly wound nerves that could spring at any moment.

            “You’re being ridiculous.” She said to him. “He's going to be fine, you know we won’t let anything happen to him.” She was so close to beating that information into her friend’s thick head. He stopped writing and looked at Shura. His eyes were tired.

            “What if it’s not enough?” He questioned. It hung in the air like it was a rotting seal carcass in Finland. Shura scowled at the question and stood up from her seat on a desk in the classroom. She walked over to Yukio and grabbed him by the collar.

            “It will be now stop you’re goddamned worrying!” She growled at him. He just felt unsure. If he lost Rin he wouldn’t know what to do. He sighed and pushed Shura away, looking down at the ungraded papers on his desk.

            “It’s not that simple.” He muttered.

            “I know it’s hard Yukio but you have to calm down. Worrying is doing no one any favors.” She told him. He nodded and went back to grading. He was still worried, he just wasn’t showing it.

            “Maybe they’ll be even more protective of him, you know how the Vatican feels about feminine virtues.” She mused. Yukio scowled.

            “Except Rin is a boy, Shura.” He warned her. Shura pursed her lips and nodded.

            “Yeah, he really is.”

 

* * *

 

 

            When it was time to take the case to the Vatican, Rin was on the verge of tears. It took a lot of calming from Konekomaru to make it so that Rin was somewhat presentable for the Grigori. By the time they got to the place, Rin’s nerves were so frayed that his hold on Konekomaru’s hand was similar to a vise grip than anything else.

            “Calm down Rin!” The bald monk pleaded, his hand throbbing from the cut off circulation. “You’ll be fine, we’ll be with you every step of the way.” He reassured the halfling.

Rin was still shaking with anticipation and fear. Of all the things he’s ever been afraid of, it’s the knowledge of knowing that he can be killed just for who he was that scared him relentlessly. He remembers reading headlines of teens that killed themselves or were killed by others just for being transgender and it horrified him to no end. Now he was going to have to come out to the biggest group of bigots on the planet. Lord save him.

He felt pressure on his shoulder. He turned around and saw Kamiki standing there, eyes full of understanding for him. “It’s okay.” She muttered. “We’re here for you.” She gave him a bright smile, something he’s never really seen from her.

He smiled right back at her and let go of his friend’s hand in favour of hugging his other friend. “Thank you.” He said. She just sighed and hugged him back. What a goofball.

With the people he cares about at his side, he looked upon the burning golden door to the court room of the Grigori and pushed them open. He’d be fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like the ending even if it was short and happy new years!

**Author's Note:**

> There was a distinct lack of Trans!Rin fics sooo I decided to do one myself. I might make another one btw so look out for that.


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